Sephiroth's Realization
by AngelFairy00
Summary: Sephiroth struggles with the fact that his friends don't follow the social norm...when he realizes that he might not, either.


No knock. No salute. No warning. Zack flung the door open and plopped into a chair in front of his desk, muddy boots covering his paperwork.

Sephiroth glared up at the impertinent young SOLDIER. "No," he declared, his thin voice laced with exhaustion and annoyance.

"But it will be FUN!" Zack cried, suddenly rising up, taking a few papers off the desk as they clung to the mud on his boots.

Sephiroth groaned loudly. He hid his head in his hands. He did not want to hear this right now. Not while he had so much stuff left to do.

"Hey, Seph, are you okay?" Zack asked, suddenly becoming concerned. "Hey, Seph, when was the last time you slept?"

Pondering this question for a few moments the general, not bothering to look up, questioned, "Real sleep or twenty-minute sleep?"

"Real sleep, Sephiroth. When was the last time you had some real sleep? The little bouts of passing-out-for-twenty-minutes-from-exhaustion sleep don't count!"

Sephiroth again pondered this. "I don't know. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep. Sleep sleep. Not the other…"

"Then what the hell are you doing sitting at a desk instead of trying to get some real sleep?"

Banging his fist against desk, Sephiroth roared, "I can't sleep Zack! I can't!"

Zack was about to say something but stopped midsentence. He remembered what Angeal said about Sephiroth going through a bout of depression. Apparently the last mission he went on was really hard on him – he found a death camp in the mountains of Tsia, when he was hunting down rebels. The rebels still kept the camp going, filling it with as many enemy soldiers and political prisoners they could get up there.

Zack sighed and pouted for several moments. All of the veterans from the beginning of the war – those that were actually still alive – suffered from great emotional stress. The things they saw happen in Wutai – the things that the Wutai warlords did to their own people and to the ShinRa captives – were too much for most of them to handle. Sephiroth was there from the beginning, so he must have seen more of the horrors than any other man.

If he were a normal man, Sephiroth would have broken down already. But he hadn't. Yet. He was about to. When had Angeal finally let go all the emotions that had built up in him? Why, it was the first time they had sex. Zack smiled to himself. He wasn't going to be able to help Sephiroth that way.

Zack let his mind slip back to that night and then to the day after. The day after when Angeal cried his heart out and told him of all of his fear and pain. Of everything he ever saw. Of all the things he couldn't fix and couldn't do to help people. All of the things he regretted. It was as if he let go of years worth of pain and suffering that one morning, and, clinging to Zack, swore he'd never let him go.

That was okay. He didn't want him to let him go. He wouldn't let him let go. He'd keep him, always.

"Stop it already!" Sephiroth demanded, breaking him from his thoughts.

Zack started. "Stop what?"

"Get that stupid grin off your face! Sheesh. Every time you think about him, you get this stupid look on your face."

"Who?"

"Angeal."

"Hey! How did you know? I didn't even say his name!"

"You didn't have to."

"Yea, whatever. Hey, Seph – Hey Seph! I've got it! I've got it! Do you know what you need?"

"You to leave me alone?"

"No. You need a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Which way do you go?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, do you like girls or guys better, or does it not matter?"

"I don't know…" Sephiroth answered, thoughtfully. "It would have to be girls, because being gay isn't good."

Zack raised a brow. "Why?"

"Because that's what everyone says," Sephiroth answered, working on his paper. After a second or two he put it down, pondering aloud, "But then, Angeal and Genesis are gay. And they're good... I don't understand. How is it that what they do is wrong, yet it makes them happy? Are they bad? No, not Angeal. He has too much pride and honor. His pride and honor wouldn't allow him to do anything bad. And yet gays aren't allowed in the military, yet Angeal and Genesis and Zack and Vincent are. Why?" Sephiroth sighed deeply and lay his head against the desk.

"Seph. Chill. It's a simply question. Stop trying to analyze everything. Seph, look at me. Am I a bad person?"

"You're annoying…"

"But am I bad?"

"No."

"Is Vinny a bad person?"

"No."

"Has our relationships with Angeal and Genesis hurt them or made them happier?"

"Made them happier."

"So is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I don't know. It seems like it's a good thing, but I know it's a bad thing."

"How do you know it's a bad thing?"

"Because I was –"

"Because you were told that two guys being together was bad, right?" Sephiroth nodded. "Think here, Sephiroth. Think like a general! When you're on the battlefield, do you always do what ShinRa tells you to do?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Sometimes it's wrong."

"Exactly! Now, think it over. If it doesn't hurt anyway, but makes some people happy, is it bad?"

"It shouldn't be. But I don't know."

Zack groaned. "You know what, you need sleep. Lots of it."

Sephiroth glanced at the piles of paper in front of him.

"I don't care!" Zack told him. "You need to get out and meet some people. You need to start a relationship. You need to get laid. You know, I bet those guys will agree with me."

Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "You're bothering me. If you weren't Angeal's lover, I would have you court martialed already for your impudence. Now be gone – I have work to do."

Zack laughed. "You know you love me," he teased. But Sephiroth ignored him. He ignored him when he tried to continue talking, when he took pens from out of the pen holder and began throwing them at him and when he threatened to set him up with a date. In the end, the general's silent persistence won out and Zack left, though not before threatening him once more with meddling in his private life.

Vincent was a good Turk, second in command under Tseng. He was older than Genesis by over ten years. The hard glare of his cold, blood red eyes, intimidated many. Sephiroth remembered with a smile how Genesis cursed and cussed having to work with "that arrogant, stuck up Turk" on a special mission in Wutai. Still, it was Vincent's native land and he knew all twenty-five languages and dialects spoken there. They were gone for six months, lost to radar and presumed dead, and when they returned, they were locking lips and making out in the most inappropriate places…such as in Sephiroth's office…on his desk and floor…

It was a little odd to think of them. Vincent always seemed like such a hard ass. In fact, he had heard rumors that to the Turks, he had the same sort of respect and fear that Sephiroth had with the SOLDIERS. Not that Sephiroth considered himself a hard ass. But being with Genesis seemed to turn his hard features soft and almost child-like. It was something he had never noticed before, but Vincent had perfect, model-worthy skin, and when he smiled and look at Genesis the way he did…well, he looked about thirty years younger.

Perhaps it wasn't a bad thing. And in his own way, though he wasn't fanatically devoted to interpreting the Loveless Prophecy, he was quite a poet and romantic. They were both interested in the same music, movies, books, and decor. They both randomly spouted out poetry and stopped mid-step to admire or philosophy on something random. Yes, they were good for each other. No, it was not a bad thing they were together, even if they were both men.

As far as Angeal and Zack went… Well, it had come on so gradually and naturally, that in hindsight, he really should have guessed it. They were prefect together. Wait. Perfect together. Okay, so maybe the social norms were wrong, or maybe these two friends had made two perfect exceptions.

He shrugged. Either way, it didn't matter. Unless something came up, the President was determined not to make a scandal. Lazard let Sephiroth take care of all the cases regarding the dismissal of soldiers found gay. No matter how much or what type of (even pornographic) evidence they sent him, he always sent the papers back declaring that "there is not enough evidence to prove guilt". Why get rid of a good soldier when ShinRa was in desperate need of them.

It was about ten in the afternoon when the general got a call. It was Angeal. He said he was at his apartment and he wanted to talk to him about something mission related. Feeling a need to get out of the office, as, aside from various meetings, he'd stayed three entire days in his office, he agreed.

Much to his annoyance, when he got to Angeal's place, it was mobbed with people. It wasn't just an ordinary SOLDIER party, either, as there were many woman and soldiers there. He recognized several secretaries and other, all good-looking, female ShinRa employees.

"I thought you needed help on…?" he asked.

"Zackary told me that he thought you needed a good relationship, and I agree."

"So do I," Genesis answered, slipping in behind him. "And I'm guarding the door, so don't try anything."

Vincent stood back smiling slightly.

"We want you to meet some of the people here, and if you're even slightly interested, well…who knows where that will lead?" Zack told him.

"But you have to be polite," Angeal reminded him. "Don't be a general here."

"Yea, smile," Genesis instructed.

Sephiroth sent tired glares at all of them, but, being too tired to fight, waited as Zack herded the prettiest woman in the room his way and introduced them to him. Sephiroth made no attempt to be civil, and they all gawked or shivered at him and soon left. Then, when none of the women in the party met his approval, Zack herded the men over. They, too gawked or shivered at his sight and soon, there was a large bubble of empty space around Sephiroth.

Zack sighed in defeat. "Well, you could have attempted to smile, you know." Vincent seemed amused. He knew too well how Sephiroth felt.

The doorbell rang and Zack went running, declaring, "Spikey's shift is over!"

"A new friend of his," Angeal explained to Genesis.

A small, blonde cadet, with big, spikey hair, was pulled into the room and trust in front of Sephiroth.

"Spikey, here's Sephiroth! I told you you'd see him some day!"

The little blonde stood frozen in place for a second or so and then collapsed to the ground in front of him, placing his head on the floor at Sephiroth's feet, and his arms stretched out in front of him. It was a traditional Wutai bow in some parts of the country.

Scratching his head and laughing nervously, Zack informed him, "Sorry, he does that a sometimes." After a few seconds, Zack nodded at the general, telling him that he had to get Cloud off the ground.

Mouthing many threats, Sephiroth knelt down beside the boy and gently lifted him to his feet. "It's all right. You can just salute," he informed the cadet.

The cadet's big blue eyes didn't seem like they could get any bigger. Seeing that Sephiroth wasn't going to help, Zack finally came to the rescue, pushing the limp cadet to the other side of the room.

Sephiroth watched with slight interest as the cadet finally snapped out of the trance he seemed to have put him in.

"I told you," Sephiroth whispered, "they're either afraid of me or they worship the person they think I am."

Still, though, his friends wouldn't let him leave. After nearly an hour with nothing to do, he grabbed a bottle, and, when no one was looking, slipped into Angeal's bedroom. He sat on the floor, sipping from the bottle, listening to the loud music and the happy laughter. If nothing else, he would get himself so drunk that he would pass out.

He didn't have long to sit alone when a small figure slipped into the room and sat by the doorway. It was the little blonde cadet. Cloud.

Cloud sat there, not saying anything, but just staring at him, with his hand on the handle of a big pocket knife on his belt. It was a little unnerving. After a few moments, Sephiroth asked him, "So are you thinking of killing me, or are you afraid I'm going to kill you."

The blonde stood up, swaying a little – he obviously had been hitting the bottle, too – and advanced. He held a long pocket knife in his hand. He stumbled up to Sephiroth and tripped over his long legs. Sephiroth caught him in just enough time before the knife landed in his stomach.

"You have to kill me," Cloud told him. "Kill me, or marry me." Sephiroth's brow raised, but the blond continued, "You don't know me, but I've loved you all my life."

"Have I met you before?" was all that Sephiroth could think of saying.

"When I was younger, you came into our village, and you saved my mother. The emperor's men took our food for their army, and they took my mother and the other women. They said they needed the women to make the men happy so that they'll fight ShinRa better. When you came in, you freed the woman, and you wouldn't let your men touch them. My mother made me promise to fight against the emperor and to join ShinRa, because they saved her. I will never forgive them, and I will not stop until every Wutai soldier is dead. And I love you. I want you. You saved my mother, and you saved my life. And I want you. And I will have you."

Everything was said so fast that Sephiroth, inebriated and exhausted as he was, was having a hard time comprehending what the blond was saying. "I saved you?" he asked.

"Yes," Cloud confirmed with a jerky head shake. "I killed the soldier who took my mother. So they tied me in the town square and they whipped me, and they put wet leather strips around my wrists so that the leather would dry and shrink and take my wrists off."

Sephiroth listened, trying to remember when he had saved the boy. He had been to so many places, and saved and slain so many people. He had seen so much pain and corruption; it was hard to place it.

Cloud thrust his wrists in front of Sephiroth's face, showing him the damage that was done. Two scars dug deep into the wrists. There seemed to be no fat or meat on his wrists. "You took me down, and you brought me to your tent, and you looked at my wounds yourself. You brought my mother to me. I promised myself that day that someday I would find you and I would follow you and serve you and love you. Now either kill me or let me have you."

The knife was placed in his hand, and Cloud's little hands enwrapped his and brought them and the knife to his chest.

There was no way he was going to kill the cadet, so, he figured, he'd have to give in to the boy. Tossing the knife away, he grabbed the boy down onto his lap and sloppily kissed him. "You made me just remember what it's all for."

"What's all for?"

"Losing my comrades. All the blood and death. Life itself, and why I have to keep going."

It was about two in the morning, and most of the guests were either passed out somewhere around the house or had left.

"Well," Zack slurred as he stumbled up to Angeal, "I guess today was a waste. You were right – Sephiroth didn't even try."

Angeal smiled and kissed Zack's sad frown. "Unless someone commands him to be their lover – and Sephiroth doesn't take orders from most people – or unless the military issues him a lover, and even then he might not know what to do with them, he'll never find one. The problem with Sephiroth is he's seen too much battle and doesn't know how to trust. He doesn't know how to control his emotions so he bottles them up. He needs someone who's not afraid of him – who will look him in the eyes and talk straight with him, who doesn't make him feel threatened in anyway, and yet can command his time and respect."

Zack sleepily fell onto Angeal's big chest. Snuggling his head into his lover's collarbone, he muttered, "He's doomed then…"

Smiling and kissing the top of his spikey bangs, Angeal lifted Zack up, telling him, "Okay, sleepy-head. Time for bed. You're going to have a killer head ache on Sunday."

Zack muttered something incoherent but did not object otherwise. Angeal shut the kitchen lights off and, stepping over his drunken comrades, made his way to the bedroom.

He was about to toss Zack onto the bed when an odd shadow made him reach for the lights first. Sephiroth and Cloud slept naked on their bed, their bodies intertwined. Nudging Zack a little, the pair looked on with wide eyes as their friends slept. Sephiroth's long silver hair was tangled through the sheets and all over his pale body. Cloud's back was showing, and he had unsightly scars all across it.

Monday morning came too soon, and Cloud, a copy of Sephiroth's apartment key in his pocket, left early for classes. Sephiroth set out for his office. The first thing he noticed on his desk was a file requesting his signature. He opened it and found a picture of Cloud in there. Cloud's files were all there, along with an official request to have him removed from the military on the charges of homosexuality. The signature of the person requesting this was none other than Zack. The proof given on the next page was a picture of Cloud, naked, and intertwined with Sephiroth.

Sephiroth stared at the picture for several moments in pure shock, before he speed dialed on his phone. "ZACK!"

There was giggling on the other end.


End file.
